Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
