SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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