at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
