you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
