i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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