things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
