the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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