im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
