The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
