you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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