She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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