Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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