Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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