Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
