Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
