Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
