I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
