We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
