Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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