ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
