I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
