I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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