Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My Higher Power is John Stamos
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
