Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
