I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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