So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
