Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
