it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he thought i was a dude.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
