Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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