my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
