WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
