a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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