I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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