one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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