yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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