Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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