a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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