i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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