I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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