She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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