Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
