My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
