She's JV to your varsity
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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