Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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