If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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