My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
