You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
