Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I need water and some morals
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize