Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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