just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this just has baby written all over it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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