its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
