He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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