My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
