Yo dont text me then not text me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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