In the future we'll all be gay
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
