dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
