I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
