Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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