can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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