I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
