i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
