Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
