if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
