but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
