the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize