hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
