The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
