I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
