I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
